Monday 2 July 2012

Macavity Ponderrs: Dice

   
     

Well teh master has decided that as kats are great and I'm teh bestest kat in teh world that I can has moar time to write meh own articles for his Blog. Bout time to I sayz. This Blog needs moar kats. So he has given meh the first Monday of every month to write an article for you all, they are so much better than wat he writes! So I is ver ready to give you all a kats purrspective on your silly hobby. Now I is probably not teh bestest kat in teh world when it comes to being lucky. I was born ginger so I is pretty unlucky. So I is going to talk to you hughmans about these dice you all use! As they is clearly ver important to you... and as a ginger and been unlucky, they hate me.

I has noticed that all of your hughman wargames seem to has dice and stuff in them, so you can pretend to actually be a big important general and stuff. Because you is all ver sad peoples and need to fill your lives with sum sort of game to make you all feel like real men, big men and stuff. You don't get many girls being so silly! They is far more sensible and like stroking cats. So I was finking about how teh dice are often different fur teh different games you plays. Well us katz has somethink to says about them, because they is ver different from each other. Teh games teh master plays uses all sort of dice to make him feel like a real big man, playing make believe with teh toy soldiers. So this is what us kats think of them.

D6's suxx!!! I has ver noticed that you likes them a lot in your puny wargames, and board games. But serimously as a kat, and kats know better than hughmans, I can kategorically state now D6's are teh rubbish! We kats can't get them to roll on teh floor. I haz tried and it is ver hard to gets a D6 to roll without thumbs, and we kats has paws, not thumbs. It is kat discrimination to use D6's!!! Was ver frustrating, even Tybalt struggled to gets them to roll and he has thumbs! Yeah he's a freak kat, but he is ver useful for openings doors and stuff. Teh D6's made meh feels bad about myself, as I couldn't gets them to work. Stoopid dice. They is rubbish fur kats and I think you should all stop using them as they makes us kats feel inferior, and we is not inferior!!! I haz friends in high places you know, right now Tybs is on teh highest shelf, and Dinah is on teh top floor! So don't you dare try meh! Ban teh D6 now!!!

Teh next dice I tried out were D8's, they is better for kats, but still don't roll that well fur us as they is not so easy to paw. But worst of all, they is only having 8 sides and a kat has 9 lives so we can't use a D8 to keep track of them. That is mostly rubbish. Why don't you hughmans make no D9, huh? Is it because you is stoopid? Or is it just another conspiracy against us kats? You see we is onto you hughmans, we know it is to stop uz kats from ruling teh world. You hughmans is tricksy! Beside, teh masters games don't use teh D8 all that often, which is probably for teh best. They is rubbish after all, so the question is, why do you hughmans still make them? Just seems to prove you really all is as stoopid as we kats think you are. You should just katpitulate and let us kats rule teh world, we'd do a better job of it and we'd stop that Beiber kid for sure... stoopidest hughman ever!!!

Next we try a D10 and a D12, and we has ver gud results. Oh yes we did, and I was most pleased with these tests, when we pawed them they did roll really, really good! They rolls really well across teh floor and makes a ver nice noise when they do roll. Yes ver pleasing fur kats! Teh D12 seems to roll slightly better than the D10, which somebody said is because D10's is not equal or something. I think he made it up because he is a hughman, and hughmans aren't as clever as kats. Think about it, we live in your houses rent free, poop in a box and get fur all over your clothes... then you feed's us! Wow, you really are dumb. I think the D10 and D12 prove they is superior over teh other dice, like D6's because 10 is moar than 6 and and 8, and 12 is moar than them all. See that's a real reason... not equal sized sides... pah... stoopid hughman.

Why has specialist dice?

But teh bestest dice in teh world haz got to be teh D20! All hail teh D20. I was having so much fun pawing teh D20's around all day, even Tybalt was interested and thought it was fun. An normally he thinks he's too cool for fun. But D20's sound awesome when we is batting them about on teh wooden floors. They sound bloody brilliant on teh wooden floors, oh meh God they really do. Kat heaven! They roll real good with a simple push of the paw, clearly these dice were invented by a ver clever kat. We know this because it has 20 sides and we all know you hughmans is incapable of counting to 20, just a scientific fact, so it must of been created by a superior being... that would be a Kat. Why don't moar of your hughman games have D20's? Seems to us kats that it would be silly to use any other dice really. Why use teh rest when you can use teh best? Think about it hughmans. That's meh thoughts on Dice. All hail kats!

19 comments:

  1. I lol'ed..

    My own cat doesn't care much for dice, but he does agree "teh kats are teh bestest" as he puts it.

    Seriously, you have four.. How are you still alive?

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    1. I am really not too sure how I'm still alive.

      I actually tested what the cats thought of the dice.

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  2. Ginger cats are the supermodels of cats it is fact, ginger people get a lot of stick but cats pull it off.

    As for my cat Mog loves d6 and they are in no short supply in my games room though she is heavy handed and is more of a whack than a roll. She hasn't had at my d20s yet luckily.

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    1. Well Macca and Tybs were very dissatisfied with the D6'd and got very bored of them very quickly. However the D20's kept them entertained for a very long time. They seemed very put out when I eventually retrieved them.

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  3. If there's one thing twelve units of Stats classes taught me it's that traditional D6's are dreadful dice to base a game on (money well spent, clearly). The world would be a much better place if wargames shifted up to D12s or D20s.

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    Replies
    1. Macca concurs. He thinks the wider variance afforded by larger random number generators, as he calls them would vastly improve our games.

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  4. Hmmm, I suspect that this wasn't really written by a cat - referring to Master with no quote marks around it? Highly suspicious that - I think a dee-oh-gee may be lurking somewhere ;-)

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    1. My cats are bigger than a lot of dogs as they're Maine Coons. They'd eat most dogs. However, I think Tybs might be able to shed some light on Macca's personality in his articles.

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  5. And one of our cats agrees, she habitually steals D6s and hides them. We recently found the stash in a drawer in the basement, over 200 D6s that she was using for a bed, apparently they are good for that.

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  6. Haz teh katz tryed Malifaux?? Them cardz is even tricksier than d6.

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    1. Yes and Freebooters Fate. Macca was displeased and stormed off muttering about thumbs and trying to make cats look stupid.

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  7. I am allergic to ginger cats. It has been determined using SCIENCE!

    Rats are very fond of D6s, perhaps this is some form of species-war?

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    1. Possibly.

      But if it is I'd fear for the rats as Macca is a brutal and efficient hunter of their species. If I were a rat I'd just let Macca have his way on the D6 issue.

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  8. Ginger Cat is right.
    Beiber must die.

    Also, Tybs is not a freak.
    YOU DON'T SAY THAT!
    He's just more evolved. I'd be worried if he wasn't on the other side of the pond. His plans for destroying this earth might interfere with my own.

    All hail da cats.

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    Replies
    1. Macca and Tybs have an uneasy relationship. Tybs is clearly his underling and he doesn't like it. And Macca likes to remind him every now and them of his place.

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  9. LOL
    I wonder how much this "product testing" remains confined to dice...
    :)

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    Replies
    1. Not at all. They product tested some Dungeon Crawlers around Christmas time, and they tend to get their paws on most of my products I review to see if it is worthy of being approved by cats.

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    2. LOL
      A friend of mine, that is also in 'teh hobby', has this one particular feline friend that 'demands attention' by taking every single opportunity it gets to climb up to tables or shelves - the highest the better (as usual), to slowly start taping to the edge whatever is in that table or shelf: Pens, glasses, jars, and of course... miniatures!

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  10. My cats love the D6. They have learned to take the D6 to the top of the stairs and drop them. They have also learned what color D6's that they are allowed to play with and not get yelled at. I gave them all of the white D6's that come with all the boxed games. They know to leave all the colored ones alone, or else they get put into Kitty Jail.

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