Macavity Ponderrs: Dice

   
     

Well teh master has decided that as kats are great and I'm teh bestest kat in teh world that I can has moar time to write meh own articles for his Blog. Bout time to I sayz. This Blog needs moar kats. So he has given meh the first Monday of every month to write an article for you all, they are so much better than wat he writes! So I is ver ready to give you all a kats purrspective on your silly hobby. Now I is probably not teh bestest kat in teh world when it comes to being lucky. I was born ginger so I is pretty unlucky. So I is going to talk to you hughmans about these dice you all use! As they is clearly ver important to you... and as a ginger and been unlucky, they hate me.

I has noticed that all of your hughman wargames seem to has dice and stuff in them, so you can pretend to actually be a big important general and stuff. Because you is all ver sad peoples and need to fill your lives with sum sort of game to make you all feel like real men, big men and stuff. You don't get many girls being so silly! They is far more sensible and like stroking cats. So I was finking about how teh dice are often different fur teh different games you plays. Well us katz has somethink to says about them, because they is ver different from each other. Teh games teh master plays uses all sort of dice to make him feel like a real big man, playing make believe with teh toy soldiers. So this is what us kats think of them.

D6's suxx!!! I has ver noticed that you likes them a lot in your puny wargames, and board games. But serimously as a kat, and kats know better than hughmans, I can kategorically state now D6's are teh rubbish! We kats can't get them to roll on teh floor. I haz tried and it is ver hard to gets a D6 to roll without thumbs, and we kats has paws, not thumbs. It is kat discrimination to use D6's!!! Was ver frustrating, even Tybalt struggled to gets them to roll and he has thumbs! Yeah he's a freak kat, but he is ver useful for openings doors and stuff. Teh D6's made meh feels bad about myself, as I couldn't gets them to work. Stoopid dice. They is rubbish fur kats and I think you should all stop using them as they makes us kats feel inferior, and we is not inferior!!! I haz friends in high places you know, right now Tybs is on teh highest shelf, and Dinah is on teh top floor! So don't you dare try meh! Ban teh D6 now!!!

Teh next dice I tried out were D8's, they is better for kats, but still don't roll that well fur us as they is not so easy to paw. But worst of all, they is only having 8 sides and a kat has 9 lives so we can't use a D8 to keep track of them. That is mostly rubbish. Why don't you hughmans make no D9, huh? Is it because you is stoopid? Or is it just another conspiracy against us kats? You see we is onto you hughmans, we know it is to stop uz kats from ruling teh world. You hughmans is tricksy! Beside, teh masters games don't use teh D8 all that often, which is probably for teh best. They is rubbish after all, so the question is, why do you hughmans still make them? Just seems to prove you really all is as stoopid as we kats think you are. You should just katpitulate and let us kats rule teh world, we'd do a better job of it and we'd stop that Beiber kid for sure... stoopidest hughman ever!!!

Next we try a D10 and a D12, and we has ver gud results. Oh yes we did, and I was most pleased with these tests, when we pawed them they did roll really, really good! They rolls really well across teh floor and makes a ver nice noise when they do roll. Yes ver pleasing fur kats! Teh D12 seems to roll slightly better than the D10, which somebody said is because D10's is not equal or something. I think he made it up because he is a hughman, and hughmans aren't as clever as kats. Think about it, we live in your houses rent free, poop in a box and get fur all over your clothes... then you feed's us! Wow, you really are dumb. I think the D10 and D12 prove they is superior over teh other dice, like D6's because 10 is moar than 6 and and 8, and 12 is moar than them all. See that's a real reason... not equal sized sides... pah... stoopid hughman.

Why has specialist dice?

But teh bestest dice in teh world haz got to be teh D20! All hail teh D20. I was having so much fun pawing teh D20's around all day, even Tybalt was interested and thought it was fun. An normally he thinks he's too cool for fun. But D20's sound awesome when we is batting them about on teh wooden floors. They sound bloody brilliant on teh wooden floors, oh meh God they really do. Kat heaven! They roll real good with a simple push of the paw, clearly these dice were invented by a ver clever kat. We know this because it has 20 sides and we all know you hughmans is incapable of counting to 20, just a scientific fact, so it must of been created by a superior being... that would be a Kat. Why don't moar of your hughman games have D20's? Seems to us kats that it would be silly to use any other dice really. Why use teh rest when you can use teh best? Think about it hughmans. That's meh thoughts on Dice. All hail kats!