Friday, 23 December 2011

Macavity Ponders: Wargames

Whats so gud bout sky faeries enyway? Worship kats instead!

I have noticed that you hughmans like to fight a lot over really silly things. You tend to fight over oil and stuff like whether there is a sky faery amd if so, which sky faery it is. Now don't get meh wrong, I is sure it is importulant to ascertain whether there is a sky faery, but surely if there is a sky faery it doesn't realy matter what kind of sky faery it is surely? You hughmans confuzzle us kats, yers you do, but what is really weird is that you likes to bring your petty skwabulls with you when you plays your games!

Fishes are importulant, amd tasty

Why? Seriously what is teh point? Aren't your lives carp enough as it is? Do you have to make your fun hobby time all miserable aswell? Fur starters why don't eny of your wargames have you fighting over enythink importulant? Like fishes or getting teh bestest spot in front of teh fire place? Why do you always have to fight over tihs objektiv or taht objekyiv? Amd just why teh hell are you all so fasciunated by Spam?!?! Have eny of you ever eaten Spam? Or is that all you eat? If so have eny of you ever eaten enything gud? Spam tastes horrible, eyuew!

You can smoke salmon too, tis ver versatile

So I reckon rather than taking spam you should all try taking some nice smoked salmon, or maybe roast duck. Roast duck is lovely amd I bet you nobody would expect you to put a roast duck on teh table now would they? Imagine teh look on thier faces when you plonk a roast duck down on teh table, they will be like 'hay you have put a duck on teh table wtf dude' amd then you would be all like 'yers I know, roast duck is teh bomb fellow hughman gamer, amd it tastes better than your spam. Ha! take it stoopid spam eating hughman!'. Is just a thought I is havin' because I feels sorry you is all having to eat spam. It can't be fun, amd must do terrible things to your bowel movements!!!

Bam!!! Roast duck in teh house, Fcuk you Spam!!!

Another thing I is not quite getting about your war games, is that you take ages to plays them. I mean, if you want to prove who teh bestest is, why dont' you have a proper fight with your fists amd stuff. Like real men do? Whats with all these toy soldiers, amd why do you paint them? You have some serious problems you hughmans. Why don't you just get a proper hobby like licking your own bum and stuff? It's my favourite hobby, or  how about chasing bed monsters? Bed monster exist  you know, I have seen them! You could also try to catch mouses or better yet, catch some mouses amd give them to unhappy katz to cheer them up! That would be nice, or give them to meh.

We haz tanks now bitches... fear us! Now if you could please open that can fur meh.

But if you must plays your war games, please try to remember they is meant to be fun! Amd try to have moar kat factions, I mean I have not seen the master or eny of his friends collect a single kat faction. Kats amd tanks would totally rule amd you know it! Or maybe kats in armour riding horses amd dragons. I so wont meh own dragon, that would be teh most awsomest thing ever... enyway your hobby seems a bit strange to meh, amd I is sure I is not teh ownly kat who thinks so, amd us kats are way smarter than you hughmans, I mean who feeds who and who cleans the others poop up? Hmmm? Am I right or am I right? So you should all listen to us kats! Enyway meh paws are hurting now. Paws owet Meow!


  1. Hey...wait a second...
    Why ISN'T there a cat faction for some game out there....
    I calls kitteh discrimination!

  2. I totally agree about the Roast Duck thing. Although, our group prefers Peking Duck with the Hunan sauce.

  3. @SinSynn, Sadly it is true, there are no cat factions in 40k or WFB. It seem Kitteh descrimination is currently the only socially 'acceptable' form of discrimination left... oh yeah and gingers... and Eskimos... and...

    @Infamous, cheers!!! You've just given me an idea for dinner... hmm Chinese take away!!!

  4. There is a red-head discrimination awareness day in Australia...
    The Elder Scrolls does cat people pretty well I think, they could work in a fantasy game.

    And then there are the Hello Kitty Space Marines. ;)

  5. @Antonio, well just imagine how poor old Macavity feels... he's a ginger cat!!! lol.

    I may actually have a ginger Khajit in Oblivion called Macavity, named in his honour.