Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Hmmm the force is strong with this one!

Yep one of the worst kept secrets in gaming was finally let slip out of the bag yesterday by Fantasy Flight Games. Yep they've got the Star Wars license and I bet we're about to see a veritable smörgåsbord of juicy Star Wars gaming goodness from the chaps and chapesses over at Fantasy Flight Games. You can read how totally 'pumped' and 'psyched' and many other American-English adjectives they are right here FFG Star Wars announcement. Pretty cool hey? I mean I'm what I like to call a 'Broad Spectrum Geek' (its a thing, or it soon will be if you all start using it!!!), and that means I geek out on everything from computer games, to toy soldiers and from comic books to Star Wars and anything in between.

So you see when two of my geeky worlds collide normally I'm instantly overwhelmed with geeky joy at the possibilities of two of my geeky loves coming together in an awesome combination of total awesomeness... and then a 'nerdgasm' ensues. After the nerdgasm though comes the doubt, you see HeroClix should totally tick my nerd / geek boxes. I should be 'all up in their junk' as our transatlantic cousins are want to say. Yet I think they're fucking dire lumps of turd covered in shitty paint jobs. Then there are those comic book hero films and lets be clear about this, for every Dark Knight there are 10 Dare Devil's, Electra's or Green Lanterns (fuck you Ryan Reynolds, fuck you!!!). I'd fucking punch Ryan Reynolds in his stupid fucking face, the prick even managed to screw his relationship with Scarlett Johansson up, what a total douche!

So the pitfalls are many and varied in such unions. Yet Fantasy Flight Games seem willing to brave such risky unions, perhaps because they love the excitement and danger of it all, or perhaps its because no matter what, they'll make oodles of cash anyway!!! However they do seem more capable than most at not screwing such unions up! Their Game of Thrones products are of the very highest quality and have not pissed fans off at all, ditto their Arkham Horror products and H.P. Lovecraft fans. I also think their Battlestar Galactica board game is a must for fans of the TV show and they've actually managed to make engaging and fun games out of the licenses for both JRR Tolkien's Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, unlike some company I could mention. Talking of which, they're also able to make lots of cash and great games out of Games Workshops very own IP, something the Games Workshop themselves struggle with at times. Their Warhammer Fantasy and 40k RPGs are getting ever more popular as are their board games like Chaos in the Old World, Horus Heresy and their Games Workshop based card games, like Blood Bowl Team Manager are also successful...

So for me the signs are good that the force is strong with Fantasy Flight Games. However I'll wait and see what they actually produce first, but right now my inner geek is as happy as Larry. Is Larry happy? I don't know, but I am. Am I expecting good things? 'Hell' to the 'Yeah' I am homie! Wow I bet my 'street cred' is skyrocketing right now, isn't it? Soon though, I'll be able to see how Fantasy Flight have done with another of their unholy unions, in the shape of Gears of War the board game, something I'm silly excited about, and right now I think is looking 'sweeeeeeet'! However what have the guys and gals at Fantasy Flight got planned for us with the Star Wars franchise, arguably the biggest Franchise in the world?

Star Wars: The Card Game

Who wouldn't want to see these guys wrestle?

Oh come on what did you expect? An Ewok wrestling game set on Endor? Yes, yes I know that's a super awesome idea and trust me there's more where that gem came from I can tell you! While for many of you this might be a bit of a disappointing let down there are three things to note before you rush off and end it all because you just can't take the crushing disappointment:

  1. Fantasy Flight Card games are actually quite good, I despise card games but theirs are good... brain can't compute... must stop!!!
  2. Its a Living Card Game. This means its sentient and will learn to love or probably loathe you like your own childr... what? You mean its not!... Erm apparently that means you get all the cards you need to play in one box so no more buying booster packs to find the über rare foil version of 'Gold Lame Sequin Encrusted Dragon of Ultimate Kitschness'.
  3. Suicide is never cool people even when Fantasy Flight Games have passed up on the glorious opportunity that was 'Endor Ewok Wrestling Federation: The board Game'... I weep at the missed opportunity!

So its not all bad. Sure they'll be booste... sorry expansion (called Force) packs that will be there to add on to your super cool adventures in a galaxy far far away, where cool things happen, unlike our galaxy, which lets be honest apart from having a planet called Uranus is pretty shit.

We know he shot first - because he's cool!!!

This Living Card Game is set during the second trilogy and not those first three abortive films, we should never talk of those films... first wise move on Fantasy Flights part!!! Next we hear we can take on the mantle of Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Chewbacca... bagsy Han Solo!!! You know that's so going to happen, because despite the fact that Luke gets a Lightsabre he's still a whingy whiny dick with a bad hair cut. I'd say bagsy Princess Leia but I don't have the legs to pull off the slave costume... so score one again for Fantasy Flight for letting me play as Han Solo and the gang. However there is a down side. Its a chuffing cooperative card game, so they've robbed me of playing as the Emperor's chief Beyatch, Darth Vader. That my friends is nuls points!!!

So it's not sounding too bad to be blunt. No more blind buys, I get everything I need in one box. I get to play in a galaxy far far away that's not full of shit like our own galaxy, that has to suffer the indignity of being known as the birth place of Ryan Reynolds (dickhead). I get to play as Han Solo, which is really cool and three other friends get to fight over who is being Chewbacca or Leia while the least popular friend has to play a Luke Whinetalker. I mean look at him to the left, have you ever seen a bigger looking pansy in all your life? Pussy!!!


When I realised they were actually going to do a space combat game with X-Wings and Tie Fighters my freaking head nearly exploded!!! I mean come on, its an X-Wing people. Also Tie Fighters are pretty darn cool as well. I mean look at it this way when you were a kid didn't you want to be zipping around Deathstar's shooting the crap out of stuff in either an X-Wing or Tie Fighter? I know I did and if you didn't then trust me on this, you're a heartless, soulless automaton bred to lead a life of 9 to 5 servitude for 'the man'.

Strangely though one thing has totally sapped my love for this game before its launched, and that is the fact that it'll feature, and I quote directly 'beautifully detailed painted miniatures'... come again? Did they say painted miniatures, as in 'pre-painted' lumps of turd? Oh come on!!! I finally get to play a Star Wars based fricking wargame and some cack handed schmuck in some sweat shop in some God foresaken heck hole somewhere has slopped paint on the miniatures? What the frack (mixing my sci-fi metaphors) Fantasy Flight Games? Not cool man, seriously not cool!!! All I can say is they'd better be easy to strip the paint off of, because if they're not I'll be going intercontinental ballistic missile on their asses.

To be honest after the pre-painted bomshell I kinda lost interest in the rest of the press release, I'm sure it said something about selecting dials and crap in secret on the miniatures themselves and then moving your ships in order from shitest pilot to least shit pilot in that order. I might be paraphrasing. It also said something about being intuitive, easy to learn and fun, but they're hardly likely to describe it as bewilderingly complex, brutally hard to learn and boring as fuck and with spanner painted lumps of poo now are they? Can you tell that pre-painted miniatures announcement totally rained on my parade? Any way they haven't announced too much and they'll no doubt be drip feeding information to us all between now and its launch in Q1 2012. Who knows maybe the pre-painted miniatures won't be too bad.

He's bad... in a good way... but he's evil... but not really.

I think this is another major announcement from Fantasy Flight Games, coming hot on the heels of the news that they are actually branching out into wargaming proper with Dust Warfare. I'm sure for some Fantasy Flight Games are just yet another evil empire in the gaming world like Wizards of the Coast  and Games Workshop and those people will no doubt go back to playing 'Voltrax Invasion Super Force' developed by their best mate Dan in his garage in Slough. However for the rest of us its actually quite exciting news. Now if only they could make a Deathstar based Dungeon Crawler and that Ewok Wrestling game we're all sorted. Peace out!


  1. I wonder why FFG felt the need to divert and fib about getting this, EVERYONE knew they had LoL! I want a new (and decent) RPG (all the D20 editions were dreadful IMHO - and I'm a D20 system nut)

  2. @Doc, I think we all knew they had it before they did!!! I did piss myself laughing over the way they announced it, like none of us knew. I was talking to peeps about it 18 months ago and I know those between clued in than I am were talking about it way before. Still their PR department has to do something. ;) In terms of the Star Wars RPG from what I've heard they could shit on a page and it'd be better than the current Star Wars RPG. lol.

  3. Death Star based dungeon crawl would get my money in a heart beat. You are just full of Great Ideas. I don't know if it is taboo or not on a blog to commit threadnomancy or not. It it is, I apoligize.

    1. I know, I know I'm awesome!!! =P

      Deathstar Dungeon Crawler would totally rock... bagsy Han Solo.

      By the way I don't believe there is a crime of threadnomancy. As far as I'm concerned this Blog is a store of my thoughts and opinions. I genuinely quite like people going back through the older articles and bringing them back to my attention.